Oh to dream

 
   So I'm kinda to the point to where "TRYING" to make a baby is wearing me out. I'm just tired of it. It's like the same thing everyday. & I feel like if I keep being so obsessed with it I'm just going to end up more heartbroken in the long run :\ I want to say I'm done but then I think about all the stuff that I cannot wait to do/experience with a new pregnancy, labor, birth, & baby and I can't just give up. I'd feel like I failed myself. My dad never left me just quit anything growing up & I'm not going to quit on the one thing I want most in my life.

  I cannot WAIT to see a BFP & know in my heart that, that pregnancy will be a happy & healthy 9 months. I cannot wait to see a teeeny litttlleee sac on an ultrasound & a little "fetal pole" that "isn't quite a baby yet" I cannot wait to hear a precious heartbeat that will always play my favorite song. I cannot wait to hear the words "Congratulations Mrs. Loftin you made it past the first trimester". I cannot wait to feel little baby flutters or hear "it's a ___ !" I cannot wait to pick out baby things & decorate a room. I cannot wait for PAINFUL contractions that I know will bring me my beautiful baby !! I cannot wait to experience a VBAC, a completely natural drug free birth the way God intended it to be. I cannot wait for my HUSBAND to cut our baby's cord & lay the life we made together on my chest so I can nurse. I cannot wait for Braylon to be a big brother !! I cannot wait to breastfeed. I cannot wait to bring a HEALTHY baby home !! I cannot wait to stay up all hours of the night because I have a fussy baby. I cannot wait to experience all the "firsts" again. I cannot wait !!!!