Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Oh to dream
So I'm kinda to the point to where "TRYING" to make a baby is wearing me out. I'm just tired of it. It's like the same thing everyday. & I feel like if I keep being so obsessed with it I'm just going to end up more heartbroken in the long run :\ I want to say I'm done but then I think about all the stuff that I cannot wait to do/experience with a new pregnancy, labor, birth, & baby and I can't just give up. I'd feel like I failed myself. My dad never left me just quit anything growing up & I'm not going to quit on the one thing I want most in my life.
I cannot WAIT to see a BFP & know in my heart that, that pregnancy will be a happy & healthy 9 months. I cannot wait to see a teeeny litttlleee sac on an ultrasound & a little "fetal pole" that "isn't quite a baby yet" I cannot wait to hear a precious heartbeat that will always play my favorite song. I cannot wait to hear the words "Congratulations Mrs. Loftin you made it past the first trimester". I cannot wait to feel little baby flutters or hear "it's a ___ !" I cannot wait to pick out baby things & decorate a room. I cannot wait for PAINFUL contractions that I know will bring me my beautiful baby !! I cannot wait to experience a VBAC, a completely natural drug free birth the way God intended it to be. I cannot wait for my HUSBAND to cut our baby's cord & lay the life we made together on my chest so I can nurse. I cannot wait for Braylon to be a big brother !! I cannot wait to breastfeed. I cannot wait to bring a HEALTHY baby home !! I cannot wait to stay up all hours of the night because I have a fussy baby. I cannot wait to experience all the "firsts" again. I cannot wait !!!!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
GoGreen Champ 2.0 cloth diaper giveaway via What These Mommies Think
What Theses Mommies Think on blogspot are doing a GoGreen Champ 2.0 cloth diaper giveaway. It's very simple to enter, all you have to do is follow their blog via google friend connect & you are entered. You get extra entries for liking their FB page, as well as GoGreen's FB page as well as following both on twitter. Another simple extra entry is to tell them about the go green pocket diapers you own yourself :). You can also go to http://www.gogreenpocketdiapers.com/ & then comment on What These Mommie's Think. blog post about their giveaway. To follow their blog you can simply follow the button on the top of my blog. You can also find the giveaway here http://whatthesemommiesthink.blogspot.com/2011/06/go-green-pocket-diapers-champ-20-review.html . Hurry up & enter the giveaway ends June 30th !!!!
Monday, March 28, 2011
BYE BYE FACEBOOK! :D
Alot has happened lately. Mainly the big this is I joined the gym :) I've lost 7lbs so far. I'm very proud of myself but I wish I could see a big a difference in my body as everybody else can. I still feel like a BIF FAT COW :((( I can't wait to get skinny.
I decided to delete my facebook just bc there's always so much drama & I can't handle it any more. It's beyond annoying. & Now that I'm not actively ttc (like that's not all that's on my mind) I don't really care about it. But I am super happy for all my mama friends who just found out they are pregnant :D how excitinggg.
Braylon is gettin too big for his britches. :) he's mister know-it-all & becoming more & more independent. I love him soo much. My little guy
Today is Cody's 21st birthday ! :D
i know this is all over the place but oh well. lol
I decided to delete my facebook just bc there's always so much drama & I can't handle it any more. It's beyond annoying. & Now that I'm not actively ttc (like that's not all that's on my mind) I don't really care about it. But I am super happy for all my mama friends who just found out they are pregnant :D how excitinggg.
Braylon is gettin too big for his britches. :) he's mister know-it-all & becoming more & more independent. I love him soo much. My little guy
Today is Cody's 21st birthday ! :D
i know this is all over the place but oh well. lol
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
update on everything...
Well, it's been a while... I'll just update a little bit since my last post.
February 6 my papa was rushed to the ER with stomach pains. He had an ulcer burst & they had to remove the entire bottom portion of his stomach. He had some problems with his kidneys & he was on a vent in the CCU (critical care unit) He's doing dialysis. Sunday he got moved to the PCU ( not sure what that stands for, but its an ICU step down from the PCU ) He's doing better. not on the vent, they took the tube outta his nose, he's talking & such. Today he's probably getting moved to Cornerstone Rehabilitation Center. Which will be good for him bc they can do better PT there.
February 9th Braylon Todd turned two years old :D he's such a biggg boy. We had his birthday party this past Saturday at "In The Zone" it's a bounce house place. He had a blast!!! We did a Thomas the train theme since he is sooo into thomas & choo choos :) As soon as I can I will upload some pics. He's such a little stinker.
Sunday we took family pictures with Heather Leann Photography. Look her up on FB she is amazinggg. She said I'd have my disk in about four weeks. I cannot wait. I am beyond crazy excited.
Today February 15,2011 I had my yearly gyn checkup. My doctor was busy & couldnt see me until April so I made my appointment with the nurse practioner who handled most of my miscarriage, Brooke. I got there a little early so they went ahead & took me back to do my ultrasound to measure my cysts & such. The tech didn't say much except "looks good"...So i go back out into the waiting room & my mind is racing..I wonder what she saw..So about 15 mins later the nurse comes to get me. She gets my weight, blood pressure, & all that jazz..Asks how the TTC is going (this nurse isn't usually my nurse) then my Nurse Practioner comes in with a hugeee smile on her face. She told me she was saving the good news for last...She did my pap & told me to sit up. Then came the good news. :D I only had FOURRRRR countable cysts, which is amazingggg news. She told me that my miscarriage probably "rebooted" my hormones & they finally balanced out. I'm a real woman again !!!! I am still "polycystic" & they CAN come back, but i'm not even going to think about that. I am beyond excited & happy. I cried & cried. I can't believe it's true. Hopefully I'll get the best birthday present ever. I KNEW God gave me my angel baby for a reason. <3
February 6 my papa was rushed to the ER with stomach pains. He had an ulcer burst & they had to remove the entire bottom portion of his stomach. He had some problems with his kidneys & he was on a vent in the CCU (critical care unit) He's doing dialysis. Sunday he got moved to the PCU ( not sure what that stands for, but its an ICU step down from the PCU ) He's doing better. not on the vent, they took the tube outta his nose, he's talking & such. Today he's probably getting moved to Cornerstone Rehabilitation Center. Which will be good for him bc they can do better PT there.
February 9th Braylon Todd turned two years old :D he's such a biggg boy. We had his birthday party this past Saturday at "In The Zone" it's a bounce house place. He had a blast!!! We did a Thomas the train theme since he is sooo into thomas & choo choos :) As soon as I can I will upload some pics. He's such a little stinker.
Sunday we took family pictures with Heather Leann Photography. Look her up on FB she is amazinggg. She said I'd have my disk in about four weeks. I cannot wait. I am beyond crazy excited.
Today February 15,2011 I had my yearly gyn checkup. My doctor was busy & couldnt see me until April so I made my appointment with the nurse practioner who handled most of my miscarriage, Brooke. I got there a little early so they went ahead & took me back to do my ultrasound to measure my cysts & such. The tech didn't say much except "looks good"...So i go back out into the waiting room & my mind is racing..I wonder what she saw..So about 15 mins later the nurse comes to get me. She gets my weight, blood pressure, & all that jazz..Asks how the TTC is going (this nurse isn't usually my nurse) then my Nurse Practioner comes in with a hugeee smile on her face. She told me she was saving the good news for last...She did my pap & told me to sit up. Then came the good news. :D I only had FOURRRRR countable cysts, which is amazingggg news. She told me that my miscarriage probably "rebooted" my hormones & they finally balanced out. I'm a real woman again !!!! I am still "polycystic" & they CAN come back, but i'm not even going to think about that. I am beyond excited & happy. I cried & cried. I can't believe it's true. Hopefully I'll get the best birthday present ever. I KNEW God gave me my angel baby for a reason. <3
Monday, January 31, 2011
Waiting
Cody's grammys funeral was yesterday. It was a beautiful service put on by one of the grandsons. She would have been happy. It was raining cats & dogs.& I was standing in the rain with Braylon in his sling (he loves it!) I know Cody was sad. & it broke my heart to see his mom crying. I hope I die before my parents do. :( idk what I would do if I lost them.
Well I am anywhere from 8-11 dpo. AF is due anywhere from 3-6 days :\ seeing as how my periods aren't quite regular yet I'm basing this on a 28-31 day cycle. I've gotten sick 3 nights in a row & this AM. I am NOT associating it with pregnancy I'm just going to say I have a stomach bug. As soon as I get sick I feel fine again. It's very odd. I also have increased CM & heartburn from HELLo. Nine days til testing. :)
Speaking of 9 days..in 9 short days my teeny tiny baby will be TWO ! I can't believe it. It has went by wayy too fast. It breaks my heart I know on his birthday I am going to cry like a little baby :| he's growing up wayyyy too fast.
Sorry this post was everywhere. I will update soon with more symtoms & such.
Well I am anywhere from 8-11 dpo. AF is due anywhere from 3-6 days :\ seeing as how my periods aren't quite regular yet I'm basing this on a 28-31 day cycle. I've gotten sick 3 nights in a row & this AM. I am NOT associating it with pregnancy I'm just going to say I have a stomach bug. As soon as I get sick I feel fine again. It's very odd. I also have increased CM & heartburn from HELLo. Nine days til testing. :)
Speaking of 9 days..in 9 short days my teeny tiny baby will be TWO ! I can't believe it. It has went by wayy too fast. It breaks my heart I know on his birthday I am going to cry like a little baby :| he's growing up wayyyy too fast.
Sorry this post was everywhere. I will update soon with more symtoms & such.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Nothing major Captain.
Sooooooo....
Life in general is going okay. Cody's maternal grandmother is slowly passing away. It's so sad. I feel terrible for my motherinlaw. :( ---Cody filed our taxes & we just found out today that since he is a registered Indian we can get backpay from state taxes. & be exempt from paying them every year :) but we will & then just get all the $$ back at the end of the year. How awesome is that !?!? I can't wait to get our money back. I plan on ordering some Kawaii cloth diapers when we get our money. I am super excited to start CD'ing. Even though he won't be for too long since we are potty training. Oh well I'll have my stash started for baby #2 :P I was contemplating going back to work, but I have decided since it's a possibility that Bray could be our only, I don't want to miss this. He is my world. When he starts school I will go to school for cosmology & become a hairdresser, my dream ! Aside from being a dentist. & everyone can suck my big toe. Braylon will be 2 in a little over two weeks. It's bittersweet.
In the baby makin department. We still aren't "trying" we just are by no means preventing. We are actually bd'ing more. I guess less stress & more fun haha. Last night I had a dream that I gave birth to the most precious baby BOY in the world, second to my Braylon. :P & he weighed 6lbs 12oz. 19 in. Born via VBAC. & we named him Colston. He was a champ at breastfeeding & was a fluffbutt. Ohh how I hope my dream comes true. But I'm done being impatient, it WILL happen in God's time.
Life in general is going okay. Cody's maternal grandmother is slowly passing away. It's so sad. I feel terrible for my motherinlaw. :( ---Cody filed our taxes & we just found out today that since he is a registered Indian we can get backpay from state taxes. & be exempt from paying them every year :) but we will & then just get all the $$ back at the end of the year. How awesome is that !?!? I can't wait to get our money back. I plan on ordering some Kawaii cloth diapers when we get our money. I am super excited to start CD'ing. Even though he won't be for too long since we are potty training. Oh well I'll have my stash started for baby #2 :P I was contemplating going back to work, but I have decided since it's a possibility that Bray could be our only, I don't want to miss this. He is my world. When he starts school I will go to school for cosmology & become a hairdresser, my dream ! Aside from being a dentist. & everyone can suck my big toe. Braylon will be 2 in a little over two weeks. It's bittersweet.
In the baby makin department. We still aren't "trying" we just are by no means preventing. We are actually bd'ing more. I guess less stress & more fun haha. Last night I had a dream that I gave birth to the most precious baby BOY in the world, second to my Braylon. :P & he weighed 6lbs 12oz. 19 in. Born via VBAC. & we named him Colston. He was a champ at breastfeeding & was a fluffbutt. Ohh how I hope my dream comes true. But I'm done being impatient, it WILL happen in God's time.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
I don't know what to title this blog post !?
Well where to begin ? I am currently on CD 15 which means I'm ovulating more than likely. I don't waste my $$$ on OPKs because they have been wrong for me in the past & I decided it just wasn't worth it. I have 4 $tree tests & 3 digital EPT certainty tests :| I've decided to not actively TTC anymore. (Cody has a whole diff story but he can keep it to himself lol) It is wayy too stressful & takes too much out of me & it's starting to put a strain on my marriage. TTC just isn't worth my family falling apart. I have an amazing husband & son who love me & I just need to be happy with that. I am blessed. There are alot of women who deserve a child more than I do. I'm not saying that I don't WANT anymore because of course I still do. & I'm not saying we will be preventing in anyway. I'm just not going to stress or bother about it. Makes the sex more fun that way anyways, lol. TTC has flooded my life for the past 22 months & I can't do that anymore. I have gained sooooo much weight & I know most of it's from my PCOS but alot is also stress related. Since I haven't been so worried about it I have lost 10 lbs !! & I feel soo much better. My metabolism is speeding up, I'm not as depressed. Everythings just workin for me this way. AF is due around February 1-5 (depending on if I'm on a 28 or 31 da cycle) but I'm not testing until 2.9.11 that's Braylon's bday & I'll be soo distracted that day that IF I were to get a bfn it wouldn't bother me so much,but I'm feeling bfp ferrr sureee. Lol. & just so everyone knows..telling me that you agree will probably make me cry bc it's like your telling me you agree that I'm selfish. I kind felt hurt by everyone who "liked" my status update last night but ohh well, I'm a big girl. Anywaysss toodles. :)
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